Only Endless Memory

Monday, July 21, 2008

Another Writing Exercise

Well, I chose another writing exercise, and used the random number generator method again, and am sort of regretting it. This was from a different website. Yea, so it is for elementary school, I just noticed, but it does not mean that some of the ideas are actually not good ones for adults also. I had read through some of them, and they seemed to be some rather mature subjects.

The reason I have regrets is the subject I got was "When are you happiest?" So, you say, what is the big deal about writing about when you are happy? The problem is that I have this habit of disconnecting from my feelings a lot of the time., and I tend to do it more when I am happy then when I am upset it seems. Yes, I know that may sound odd, but that is just the way it is. If you are happy about something, it can be taken away. If you don't show you are happy, then no one knows you care.

I am beginning to notice some things that I like and make me feel some happiness. I have always loved music and music can take me away, can make me laugh or smile or cry. So, music does make me happy, but does music make me my happiest? Likely not. I enjoy my computer games and joking around with people online.

I like the pagan group I am involved with at the church and I like our circles. I enjoy writing, but it is also work much of the time. I like being able to talk about my thoughts and feelings about things that are important to me. I can really get into curling up under a nice warm blanket in the autumn with a good book my cat lying near me purring.

Those are all comforting things that I enjoy, but that is almost like saying I enjoy a good meal or movie. They are really temporary. Maybe it is a delusion I have, but I think happiness especially something that makes me my happiest should be something that is longer lasting. Something more meaningful. I think it goes back to my feeling of not belonging, of always not quite fitting in any group that I want to fit into. I could never fit in with the popular people, and I seemed like I never really fit right in any of the fringe groups either.

I felt like I was not smart enough to fit in with the geeks, and even when I was in cross country, there was no way I could fit in with the jocks. Could not fit with the goths or any crowd I tried to fit in with. I always felt like I was on the outside. I guess that is why I like the gaming community, I feel like I have a place there. I pretty much become an officer in most of the guilds I get into.

So, I have to say that what makes me happiest is a feeling of belonging to a greater whole outside of myself. This was a long way around to get to this point. It is what I like about Nerdfighters, too. It is an online community that is all about acceptance of others in spite of their differences and working to make the world as a better place for everyone. For that matter, it is what I like about the Unitarian Universalist Church.

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