Only Endless Memory

Monday, September 22, 2008

Salem and a Writing Exercise

I went to Salem, Massachusetts on Saturday and spent the day walking (painfully) around town and doing some shopping at the pagan shops. In the evening, we went to a Mabon ritual held by Temple of the Nine Wells in town there. I was there with friends from the pagan group that we have running at our church, and we all seemed to have a good time. I had the money to spend on one of my pastimes of collecting tarot decks.

Yes, I do collect tarot decks. I have 44 separate tarot decks not counting the various other sets of divination cards or tools (i.e. The Visual I Ching, Throwing of the Bones, Rune Cards and Runes, Medicine Cards, Animal Cards, etc). If you are also wondering whether or not I do tarot readings, I do. I do not use all of my decks for readings. Some of them are only for art and I would not be at all comfortable doing readings with them. I use various decks depending on intent or the person I am reading for. I have been sticking with one deck more then another recently as I have found that I am working towards reading in a different manner then I used to (which was always using the cheat sheet that came with the deck). I am now working on reading cards intuitively mostly by what I see or feel from the cards.

I also mentioned a writing exercise in the title. It has been a while since I have posted a writing exercise, at least partially to the fact that I have not been writing as much as I had been. Well, in the effort to get into writing more, I am also working on writing more in general again, so it is time to do a writing exercise. I am not sure who, if anyone reads my posts regularly, or even irregularly, but if there is something they would like as a writing exercise or suggestion, I would be happy to take suggestions. Until then, I will stick with my old methods.

For my inspiration for this story, I used the Speculative Fiction Muse.
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On the Dangers of Dune Migration

Todd looked out across the sand. Well, there was not much to look at but sand. Some of the sand dunes were rather impressive, but it was still sand. There was also the sun, but Todd preferred not to think too much about that cause it made him think about things like being thirsty and how nice a glass of iced tea would be on a nice sunny day and how unlikely that would be about now out here with all the sand.

Instead he thought about sand dunes. Sand dunes were, on the whole, unappreciated by most people. They would think that a sand dune was a sand dune was a sand dune. There actually was more to a sand dune then just being a sand dune though. There were actually types of sand dunes. Sand dunes could be tranverse, linear, or star dunes and could be simple, compound or complex. Then there were whalebacks and, of course, the often misconstrued quicksand. He knew a lot about sand dunes alright.

He walked some as he thought about sand dunes and their migration patterns, starting to think of his own movement in a similar way. Being pushed by the wind until it was eventually forced over by the weight of time or some other outside force to then become the lower edge of a dune and continue the migration pattern. He was not sure his migration would go much further other then to become part of the dunes, which would not be an altogether bad thing in the big picture he supposed.

A light flashed off to his left and he turned to see more sand. What would cause a flash of light out here? Reflections of the sun off from some object. Some object that was not sand. Could he have a hope that it was water? He altered his course slightly, and headed off to the left. That would be the west, toward the setting sun. If the sun ever set around here. Of course the sun set around here. Another flash of light caused him to hurry his step slightly, and he stumbled. The first flash of light had not been his imagination.

Gathering himself, he continued on. Forcing himself to keep from trying to rush too much and waste his already waning strength. He still saw no real signs of actual water, just those brief flashes. None of the signs of trees or other plant life that generally surround an oasis, but perhaps it is one of the springs that comes to ground during certain times of the year. This would in ways be better then seeing the picture perfect oasis then he might start think he was seeing things. Even better when the flash came again, it was much closer.

He made his last push up the windward face of one of the larger dunes and that is when he saw Skye. He sat down and stared at the uncomprehending face staring back at him. "What? What are you doing out here all alone?" he cried out in confusion.

"I could ask you the same thing," her voice answered in return, sounding rather husky from emotion.

"I came out here to study sand dunes, and things were going so well, so I, well, anyways, I got caught in a sandstorm and lost my equipment and my bearings. I figured if I kept heading north, I would find something, I may have miscalculated. Who are you?"

"I'm Skye. I got lost, too. I figured I was going to die here all alone in this wasteland with nothing but sand for miles, but now you are here."

"I'm Todd." He looked around. He had not found an oasis or water. He had found another person who was lost. What were the chances of that? His mind was trying to come up with the rather astronomical odds when she spoke again.

"You don't know a way for us to get out of here either do you?"

Todd shook his head sadly, numbers still spinning in his head.

"It is better then being alone though. Will you stay though, Todd? I don't think I have the strength to keep walking on forever through the sands. Even if I count all the different types of dunes or sand flats."

"Yes, I can stay here with you, Skye. I don't want to be alone either. After all the walking I did, I think the think I was most afraid of was that I would die here alone in the sand and be forgotten by all but the sand.

Skye smiled, "I was feeling the same way. I did not want to die alone out here, but now we are together, and it won't be so bad. You will have more then just the sand to remember you. You will have Skye."

And so Skye and Todd was not alone when death claimed them in the cold of night. In the morning, the winds blew, already forming a new dune over Todd and the mirror he held in his lap.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

"Back" into Writing

Yes, I keep saying I have to get back into writing regularly, and I have been doing a poor job of it. I really, really hate September. I generally have a lot of depression in September and it slows me down a lot from doing many things. Writing just happens to be on of the things that I am not doing. I have been spending a lot of time sleeping. I also started playing a different computer game and that has my mind off on other things. My sleep has been all messed up due a few different things, the depression being the main one.

The other thing that has been effecting me a great deal is my back. I decided that I wanted to carry the air conditioner from the old apartment down to the basement for storage over the winter. It was part of the things I still needed to do around the apartment since moving in. Well, when I lifted up from the floor, I felt something do this sort of slide and pop in my back. It did not immediately hurt, but as I made my way across the floor and then down the steps to the basement, it got worse and worse.

I managed to get the air conditioner properly placed on the its' shelf, and then tried to sit down and the pain really started. I made an appointment that evening with my doctors' office and had one of my friends come over to pick me up and take me there. It seems I have managed to get a sacroiliac joint injury. This is basically, the place where the hip connects to the spine and has very minimal motion. I caused it to move more then it really should move and have been paying for it since then.

Between depression and pain and pain meds, I have spent a lot of time asleep and a lot of time just trying to distract myself from the fact that I am in a great deal of pain. It is definitely better then it was on Friday, but it is still hurting a great deal. So, that is my excuse for not writing recently. September Sucks.

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Saturday, August 16, 2008

Ooops

So, it must be bad that I don't even remember the fact that I didn't write yesterday. I did a bit of packing, and I think, in general, with a large portion of my apartment packed, I am feeling disconnected and out of sorts. My apartment doesn't feel as much like a home anymore and I feel kind of lost. So, I apologize for not writing.

I did pick out an exercise today, and I have a writing assignment I really should work on for some Nerdfighters I am doing a project with. We are working on a collaborative project to make a book of sorts where each person adds to it and has a certain amount of time to do their part in it. I really need to work out my part since it is my turn to write. I am not sure if my original idea will still work or not, I might just go with it and see what happens.

Anyways, my project today is another challenge from FM Writers.

ENHANCED...

Whether by magic or high-tech wizardry, the temptation to enhance your physical or mental prowess is always with us. From steroids to love potions, we are fascinated by things that 'improve' us or give us an edge, even if it is morally questionable, or even dangerous. Today, show your character as they wrestle with the idea of enhancing themselves despite the cost.

I am not even sure what character I am going to use yet; I might even be making up some new ones. I just like this idea, so I am going with it.

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A Matter of Magic

Feral held the potion in his hand and glared belligerently at Shadow, who was looking as calmly as ever back at his brother. His very calmness just caused Feral's anger to rise that much more. "Don't you want me to win?" he said through gritted teeth with only a slight emphasis on the you.

Shadow sighed softly, "Do not ask me silly questions you already know the answers to, brother."

His right hand ran through his silky black mane of hair, and he did his best to count slowly to ten. He made it to three before barking out, "Then why don't you want me to use this?" He held up the phial in his hand.

"I want you to win fairly, brother."

"What if I don't win, brother-dear? What then? What if the witch kills me? You know damn well what she is capable of." Feral's green eyes seemed to brighten in his anger, and he shook slightly. Even Feral could not tell if his shaking was anger or fear, he had been close to death before, but to willingly walk into it's mouth and not take all advantage that he could take.

Shadow gazed back at his brother, his voice and demeanor as calm as ever, "Then she will learn to regret what she did to me."

Feral gazed into his brother's eyes and saw the peaceful gray darken ever so slightly. He closed his own eyes, and tried counting to ten again, he managed to make it to seven this time, that was close to his record of eight. He put the potion down, and turned to meet his fate.

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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Writing When you Don't Feel Like It

Yep, I am not feeling much like writing today. I was completely brain dead yesterday and was doing a million things. I packed, then had a friend over and went shopping with her and helped her pick out a printer and some stuff for it. Then we went out to the movies and I had to be up early today for Voc Rehab. Voc Rehab decided I need more testing before they will let me go to school, so I am likely not going to be able to go to the first term in September.

In a way this is good, because I do not have to worry about moving and starting school at the same time. On the other hand, I am upset that I got kind of screwed over because the counselor did not do the testing that he should have done in the first place. I guess I will just deal with things as they come, it is all I can do right now.

Things for the move are still coming along well. I have things settled for the movers, and I am borrowing money from my friend for the extra that I need for the security deposit. I almost had that screwed up for me also because I did not get information from the housing people on time to get the loan from Pastoral Services. Thankfully, my friend happened to have money I could borrow.

Okay, different writing exercise today, I got this one Forward Motion Writer's Community. Forward Motion is a site that is set up for writer's wherever they are on their path in writing, but it is for those who have the ambition of getting published, and gives information for writer's and how to present their writing as well as lots or various exercises.

The exercise I am doing is around a character I have already created and used in other stories I have written. I would like him to be in a novel, I have a few chapters done, but no where close to enough...

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The Morning After

Fury's eye cracked open and then closed again with a groan. Pain lanced through his head. What Mack truck hit me? he thought to himself not wanting to move. His mind was crawling trying to focus back on what had happened the night before. The light coming in through the window was much too bright for him to think clearly. His foggy mind stalled a moment, Light through the window? "Sonuva... Where the hell am I?"

He felt movement near him and turned quickly, his eyes opening wide, regretting both the movement and opening his eyes immediately. A pair of blue eyes opened from a handsome face. "Morning, Fur," Flex said his eyes failing to focus as usual, "You had a bad night, but we took cover here. Tawny has the perimeter, it's safe. You should rest some more, sounds like you could use it."

With those words, Flex put his head back down on the pillow, his blond hair looking tussled with sleep. Fury slowly turned back over, pain slowly receding from his head. He wished the cobwebs would do the same, He put his head back down and relaxed slowly. Flex's arm settled over his ribs, and thoughts of sleep vanished from his mind. He couldn't move or ask, he did not want to ruin the easy peace Flex, but what had happened? What did he not remember?

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Short and Sweet, enough to leave you wondering ;-)

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Thunderstorms

My writing prompt today was to answer the question "How do you feel during a thunderstorm?" Normally, I would have an easy time writing this, but today my feelings are a bit mixed. The reason for the mixed emotions is fairly simple, there was a tornado that swept through part of New Hampshire yesterday. While this is not a thunderstorm, we were also having the thunder and lightning that tends to go along with tornado.

Warning: Digression in Progress! Okay, now there are a few tornadoes in New Hampshire's history, but not many. Weather is so messed up lately. We did not really have a Spring; we had Winter then Summer, no season in between. It was the same with Autumn last year. It was in the 90's in October, and then the temperature plummeted in November and we had snow for Thanksgiving. I used to like New England because of the season changes, but no there are just two seasons: hot and snow. Bush is finally saying that there is a climate change, I think I am going to faint now. /end digress

Anyways, with the tornado, there was one death and a great deal of property damage. I am saddened by the loss of life, and for those that have lost their homes and are without power. I have some fear of natural disasters, tornadoes being one of them. I also think that many of the weather and planetary shifts happening currently are due to things that man has done, which saddens me all the more.

I am glad that many people are beginning to take steps to improve some of the damage we have done. It is also an interesting thought realizing that the earth itself does not need us to save it. Because, if we all die off, the world will continue without us. What is really needed is for us to preserve our home. This is the one home we have, and if we destroy it, unless we get really creative really quickly, we are not going to get another one. Darn! I digressed again!

Back to weather... I actually really enjoy thunderstorms. I love to watch lightning and find it beautiful and fascinating. Summer storms are exhilarating to me, the thunder rumbling brings on images of ancient gods. I can see why so many cultures relate to thunder and lightning to deities; there is so much power and wonder involved with a cloudburst. I could stare at the sparks of electricity dance across the sky for hours. The fact that it is so changeable is one of the things that draws me to the sky during a storm.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Cheater!!!

No, I am not calling you a cheater. I am a cheater, and I am even admitting it. See, I could have gotten away with it and not even told you that I was cheating and you never would have known, but I am too darned honest. So, as punishment for trying to cheat before I even had a chance to do it, I am making myself do both of the things I was going to do. Ha! So there, that is what you getting for trying to cheat, me!!

To explain to the person reading this who has no idea what is going on in my head, or to explain to myself when/if I go back to read this and say, "What the hell was I talking about?" I will fill you in. I had two thoughts on what I could do today. I could just write about my trip to the Museum of Science today (in four part harmony), or do another writing exercise.

This sneaky little part of my brain perked up at that particular moment and said, "You know, you can use your number roll and decide if it is something you want to write about first. That way if you roll and it is something you don't like you can just say to yourself that you just wanted to write about the museum trip anyways."

I rolled and found that I liked the topic, and then the ethical part of my mind said, "But wait, isn't that cheating it to do it that way? That is not a fair way to do things; you should be more honest about it to your readers and to yourself." While there was the temptation to throttle that little voice, it was also true. The sneaky part of my brain may have gotten away with not doing the writing exercise if it was something I really didn't want to do, but that is just between you and me, right?

I will start with the trip to the Boston Museum of Science. It may take a moment to gather my thoughts and decide whether I should tell you about actually being in the museum, or the actual trip to and from the museum.

As a nerd, I have an appreciation for museums, especially one dedicated to science. Sadly, I did not have much time to actually explore in the museum. The Museum of Science in Boston is three floors high and separated into three sections. We were given about two and a half an hours to see all of this. I saw maybe one third of the museum, preferring quality of the time there over quantity.

That was my time in the museum. The trip to get there and back was a bit over an hour each way, and my company for the trip was dubious to say the least. At one point there was a person who seemed sure that he knew huge amounts about science and just about everything else also. He spent a fair amount of time talking about the science involved with information from Star Trek books he had. Now mind you, I love Star Trek, but a good deal of the science is much more on the imaginary side of things then real science.

The conversation with him started because I was reading a book in The Vampire Earth series by E. E. Knight. He also enjoyed talking immensely, and did not like to stop talking. For the most part this was tolerable, but when he started talking about Dungeons and Dragons and suggesting that they were responsible for ritual sacrifices that did start to irritate me quite a bit. There also seemed to be no line between pagan and satanist in his mind, so I not even insert any of my own knowledge on the subjects, as it was obvious to me that, in his own mind, he knew everything and would not be dissuaded.

Another one of the people I met was one who just liked to randomly blurt things out at volume that have little or no consequence to the rest of the world. So, more or less he talked to himself. Now, when I am alone, I may talk to myself or my cat or my computer. I do tend to reserve these conversations mostly for when I am alone, though, and they tend to be of a higher caliber then what I was hearing.

I did bring a book with me as I mentioned, but I find it difficult to read when people are talking loudly at or around me. I was having a difficult time concentrating, so I barely got any reading done on the trip and have a headache now.

Writing Exercise: My Epitaph
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I stand at the edge of a precipice, a familiar feeling rising in my depths. This primal fear of heights haunts me. Does no one see me here, hanging on the edge of oblivion? I have but one purpose in life, if I am broken it will all be lost. I would have no reason to go on. Why will no one see me here?

It would only take a careless push, a slip. It is all so senseless. Please, don't leave me here alone! You must see me and help! I can already see it happening, the vision plays over and over. I fall to lie broken and shattered on the ground below. As much as I try to make myself stop seeing it, I cannot push the image away.

When it does happen, it seems to last forever. A hand reaches, but misses in its hold. I slip from fingers reach, tip forward and fall. Falling seems to last a lifetime, then the impact. Shattered. Liquid splatters, like blood. I hear a wail as things begin to fade.

"Jimmy, don't cry over spilled milk," I hear the mother say to her son.

"I am not crying for the milk, mommy. I am crying for the glass."

Ah, my epitaph.

(The exercise was to write something from the point of view of a glass on the edge of a table, I did not want to give the store away by telling you that before I started though. Did the story work?)

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Another Writing Exercise

Well, I chose another writing exercise, and used the random number generator method again, and am sort of regretting it. This was from a different website. Yea, so it is for elementary school, I just noticed, but it does not mean that some of the ideas are actually not good ones for adults also. I had read through some of them, and they seemed to be some rather mature subjects.

The reason I have regrets is the subject I got was "When are you happiest?" So, you say, what is the big deal about writing about when you are happy? The problem is that I have this habit of disconnecting from my feelings a lot of the time., and I tend to do it more when I am happy then when I am upset it seems. Yes, I know that may sound odd, but that is just the way it is. If you are happy about something, it can be taken away. If you don't show you are happy, then no one knows you care.

I am beginning to notice some things that I like and make me feel some happiness. I have always loved music and music can take me away, can make me laugh or smile or cry. So, music does make me happy, but does music make me my happiest? Likely not. I enjoy my computer games and joking around with people online.

I like the pagan group I am involved with at the church and I like our circles. I enjoy writing, but it is also work much of the time. I like being able to talk about my thoughts and feelings about things that are important to me. I can really get into curling up under a nice warm blanket in the autumn with a good book my cat lying near me purring.

Those are all comforting things that I enjoy, but that is almost like saying I enjoy a good meal or movie. They are really temporary. Maybe it is a delusion I have, but I think happiness especially something that makes me my happiest should be something that is longer lasting. Something more meaningful. I think it goes back to my feeling of not belonging, of always not quite fitting in any group that I want to fit into. I could never fit in with the popular people, and I seemed like I never really fit right in any of the fringe groups either.

I felt like I was not smart enough to fit in with the geeks, and even when I was in cross country, there was no way I could fit in with the jocks. Could not fit with the goths or any crowd I tried to fit in with. I always felt like I was on the outside. I guess that is why I like the gaming community, I feel like I have a place there. I pretty much become an officer in most of the guilds I get into.

So, I have to say that what makes me happiest is a feeling of belonging to a greater whole outside of myself. This was a long way around to get to this point. It is what I like about Nerdfighters, too. It is an online community that is all about acceptance of others in spite of their differences and working to make the world as a better place for everyone. For that matter, it is what I like about the Unitarian Universalist Church.

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Saturday, July 19, 2008

Scoffing Sun

After yesterday's experiment with a creative writing exercise, I decided to try that again. This time my prompt was to write about a "Scoffing Sun." Well, here it goes.

Talib left the town quietly during the heat of the noon day sun. The light reflected on his shaven black head, his fine toned body already covered with a thin layer of sweat. He was leaving behind all he knew, but could not stand to follow the ways of the Snake-worshipers any longer. The city slept behind him, silent under the harsh day. His people were wise to the ways of the desert and saved their energies by sleeping through the hottest hours of the day.

"No," he whispered to himself, "no longer my people." They were murderers who would kill for the powers of the magics that they wielded, but would also kill to keep those who were born into lower castes in their place. Only those of noble blood were allowed to rise in society, those who were born to poverty were kept in place with whips and chains and constant threats of death.

Talib himself was of the noble class, he was not running from the fear of death, in fact, he was more likelt running to his death. No, he was running for a freedom from the scoiety that held him trapped. He had no desire to rule over others, to hold the choice to end their lives. In fact, if he had the choice, he would rather heal their wounds and destroy all the images of the Snake-God Set and all the serpents that roamed freely on the streets.

He wished heartily that he could free all of those held in captivity, but most were held in thrall. The last person he had tried to help had actually been thankful whenTalib had found that the man's brother had been fed to a snake, saying it was a blessing would bring fortune to his family.
That was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

Talib looked out over the water that surrounded the city and stifled again the despair of the task he had set for himself. It was better to be dead then have his heart and soul trapped in this awful place. The horses and camels were under constant guard and even if he did manage to get one loose, it would provoke action much sooner then him leaving directly, all he could do was swim. It would give him the most time.

With his meager supplies strapped across his back, he slipped into the water and struck out to the north. The water was refreshing on his dark skin, a nice relief from the full day's heat. His strokes across the water started strong, but as the the pack on his back grew heavier and he started to feel the natural current of bay the trek became more difficult. Still, he continued, though arms began to feel made of lead and legs made of rubber. He changed from a crawl stroke to a side stroke then breast stroke, anything to vary the pain in his arms. Looking to the shore, it still seemed impossibly far away.

"Don't stop, just swim," he said in his mind, now doing a side stroke, "and breathe," he reminded his laboring lungs. He was struck by a temptation to let loose the weight on his back, causing more drag and pulling him down. Without it, when he reached the desert lands on the other side of the bay, the heat would kill him as surely as drowning. "Drowning was a better way to die," the logical part of his mind said and on he swam.

A glance forward told him that his goal was actually getting closer. He might actually make it to the shore. One last agonizing push that took a lifetime, and he was there, panting on the shore. Talib dragged off his pack and laid his head on it until his breathing became somewhat normal. All the while, the scoffing sun blazed down upon him.

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And that is that at least for now ;-)

That story was inspired by my character in Age of Conan which is the MMO I am currently playing.

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Friday, July 18, 2008

Writing Exercise

Okay, I decided to try something else new today as a challenge to myself. As I said in the sidebar, one of the challenges that I face is trying to be creative in my writing when I am typing rather then writing things out by hand. Now, most of what I have written so far has been fairly analytical. It is my thoughts on things and while there is a creative element to it, the subject remains mostly on the intellectual side of my head and not the creative.

As such, I have this exercise. I bookmarked a few websites in which I could get some writing ideas in case I wanted some inspiration on something to write on. As of yet, I have had plenty of things pop into my head, but I wanted to have contingency plans for when my brain was feeling squishy. Anyways, I went to one of those pages for creative writing prompts and then used a random number generator to roll between the 1 and 302 option that were on the page. I came up with 162, which says to write a poem using the phrases "a culture of solitude," faithful blue sky," and "where we still discover." I am tweaking it slightly and plan to write a story, but I suppose I can write a poem as well, if that would follow the rules better.

Poem first (I find poetry fairly easy for me, I do no believe that poetry has to rhyme, just touch upon our feelings, usually in a concise manner.)

We all stand under the same faithful blue sky,
Many people together but still worlds apart
Torn and shattered by strife and discontent
Eyes shaded from the harsh sun's light
Illuminating a bleak and heartless future
Torn by war, a culture of solitude.

Voices rise from our despair, cries for peace
Gathering in strength and in heart
We call for hope and courage and change
To look forward to a better tomorrow
For ourselves and our children
In a place where we still discover love.

From Islands We Are

I was always separate from others, even surrounded by people. It was like I carried inside myself an island of my very own. This was my land, my refuge, my rock. While this island kept me from being harmed by others, it also kept me alone. I lived my own way, a culture of solitude, locked away from harm.

There was one thing on this island that set me free and gave me company and comfort. That one thing was my books. I would be surrounded my them, and raise them like walls around me. I could not see others through them, nor could they see me. It was a perfect screen to the world. In these books, I found my friends, and I was free. I would fly with dragons, ride on unicorns, travel to through space and through time.

In time though, my wall of books grew higher and blocked out the faithful blue sky. The light to see the cherished pages grew dim, and I began to realize that I was lost in the maze of the books that surrounded me with no friends to help me out. My island had become a prison which I did not know how to escape.

Slowly, I began to make my way through the pages that had been my life, and gathered pieces together. I tentatively reached out to others, and found how hard it was to build up what was never there: a bridge into that other world where people were. Although it was scary, I kept going, reaching out. Many times, my gestures of friendship were slapped aside or ignored outright, but I was ever so slowly making progress.

I learned that their were others like me, who were trapped within themselves. People who were shy but actually did care about others and would not push me away because I was different. So, I gathered with this group of outcasts, those who were not afraid to be themselves even if they were diverse in there backgrounds and tastes and ages. We all shared within ourselves a common dream. We dreamed of a place where we still discover ways to be ourselves and be strong even if society tried to push us all onto our own little islands.

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