Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Music in Writing

I have some rather eclectic tastes in music and it can vary from anything from folk and regional music to heavy metal to country to A Capella to Celtic to punk. I also have a tendency to find rather obscure bands that many people have never heard of. Music has always been important to me, as it is a valuable tool for expression. There are some song that are so poignant that they help explain things that I could not find the words for before.

As such, I have often felt the urge to put a few quotes of song lyrics or if nothing else song titles into some of what I am writing. This has me wondering as to the legalities of doing so. I am guessing that just listing a song title and artist would be okay, as I am giving credit to the artist. I am not sure if there are legal ramifications for quoting other lyrics if I also give credit to the artist and keep the lyrics limited.

I think it would be neat to write a book where each chapter was given the name of either a song or the lyrics to a song. Of course, with some of the songs that I know, I could come up with some rather interesting chapter title. As an aside, I am slowly getting nearer to my goal of being able to make a cd with songs with about cows. (no, I don't know why I want to make a cd with songs about cows, but I have some really fun cow songs). If anyone has any cow songs that they can suggest, please let me know.
So, How was that for a digression?

Labels: copyright, expression, laws, Music, writing

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Lists

So, I mentioned lists yesterday. I make lots of lists, as I tend to worry about forgetting things. Likely, because in the past I have forgotten things a great deal. Also, when I become more stressed, I tend to forget things (that and buy office supplies).

My lists tend to include things varying from normal things like a grocery list or a budget to songs I want to put on a cd. They can also be things I need to do or want to look up on the computer, notes I have to write, things I need to do before I leave for a trip. Not that I am ever obsessive compulsive or anything. I just realized that I like putting in emoticons when I write in here, and I think I would like to stop doing that, because I am not sure it is a good place for me to use them. If this is practice for me to work on serious writing, I should not use tools that I would not use in normal published works.

Well, back to my lists. I need to write up at least one list or two. One of those is things that I need to do before I move. Also, there are things I need to do for school, and other things coming up. So, without further ado, The List!!

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1. Finish packing softcover books by Sunday (provided I have enough boxes)
2. Call SNHU (college) and give them the paperwork that I need to leave them from Voc Rehab
3. Call the new Landlord and ask about moving my stuff in the weekend of August 30-31
4. Call Verizon to have my internet switched over (and phone line)
5. Call Vonage to have the phone transferred correctly
6. Go to Post Office for Change of Address
7. Contact Banks with Change of Address
8. Contact SNHS with Change of Address
9. File Change of Address with DMV
10. Contact Social Security with Change of Address
11. Contact PSNH (electricity) about changing power)
12. Contact SNHU about CLEP test for Into to IT
13. Do more packing and get more boxes (of course)
13. Go to the college and sign up for class in mid-August
14. Contact Health and Human Services about change of address
15. Visit the new apartment and get measurements to try and figure out general placement of things and how I am going to make things fit (yea, so I am a bit OCD)
16. Neaten up apartment for brother visiting
17. Cook snacks for people visiting next Monday
18. Breathe...
19. Arrange for whatever help I can to actually move stuff

I am sure I will think of more later... there is always more.

Labels: lists, moving, OCD, remember

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Missed a Day

Yes, I did miss a day and did not post yesterday. I figure I do need a break now and then, and since last week was so frantically busy, I decided that after the Lughnasadh ritual, that I would take some time and just relax. The ritual was nice and relaxed. Outside of our core group of four people, we only had two other people show up. I was not particularly concerned about there not being more of them though. I liked that it was small.

We cast the circle and then I did the reading I posted a couple days ago. After that, I played the song "John Barleycorn" by Steeleye Span and we danced the circle to raise some energy. Then there was a blessing of cakes and cider (not ale, cause of any younger folk who might be there). We used a cornbread I had made (and have leftovers of, which sound yummy about now). Then the Priestess did a blessing over some microwave popcorn (we were being inventive and fun), and we all got some blessed popcorn to take home with us. We opened the circle and then went to the dining room for snacks and drinks.

One of the people who was new, enjoyed things and has asked to come to our regular meetings, the next of which is at my apartment, which will be in disarray, since I am packing to move. What am I saying? My apartment is already in disarray. I have the long bookshelf of brick and board shelves packed in boxes now. That is A-G and some of H of my softcover fantasy collection. Yes, I have my books alphabetical by author, and within that they are in order by release date unless they are in a series, then series come first then release date.

I should get some more things packed as well. Maybe I should pack up the stuff in my closet since I barely go in there, especially in the summer. I have so much stuff! I do have over a month to pack still. I am just going to need tons more boxes though. I got 15 boxes today. I have six banana boxes that are empty also, and might have some other boxes I can fiddle with. If you haven't guessed, I have entirely too much to do, and I tend to get slightly obsessive with worrying about all of it.

Maybe you can be excited tomorrow as I make lists of all the things I need to do for the move. I am a list person. I make lots of lists. I should likely get rid of some of my accumulated stuff. I am sure that there is just some that I don't need, and is just taking up space, which I will have less of in the new place. I guess I will figure out what I am doing as I pack.

Labels: books, lists, moving, ritual

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Lughnasadh

The pagan group I am involved with at the Unitarian Universalist Church I am involved in is doing a circle for Lughnsadh tomorrow and I had to do a write up to describe what Lughnasadh (also called Lammas) was about. So I wrote it out and actually have an edited version. I get to read this at the circle tomorrow. Eeek!! I have no idea how many people will be there.

The name Lughnasadh (Loo-nahs-ah) was taken from the Celtic Sun God Lugh, but the celebration is mainly a grain festival, sometimes called the Sabbat of the First Fruits. Native Americans would honor the Corn Grandmother and called it the Festival of Green Corn. Barley, wheat, and corn are all ready to be picked by August, as are many other crops in the northern hemisphere.

Lughnasadh is the first of the the Harvest Sabbat (Mabon and Samhain being the other two). It marks the middle of Summer and marks the beginning of the harvest cycle which relies heavily early crops of ripening fruits, vegetables and grains that are all ready to be harvested. it is therefore greatly associated with bread, as grain is one of the first crops to be harvested. Pagans give thanks to all the Gods and Goddesses of Harvest, as well as those who represent Death and Resurrection.

At this time of year, it was traditional to have great feasts to celebrate the first successful harvest and generous libations, offerings of food and drinks, would be given to the deities as thanks for the banquet. It was from these harvests that they would eat through the upcoming Winter. As they would celebrate and give thanks for to the Earth for its' bounties and beauty, so it is with us today.

As the Summer passes, we remember its warmth and gifts to us in the that we eat. Every meal is an act of attuning with Nature, and we are reminded of the constant change in the Universe.

Labels: circle, Lughnasadh, paganism, Unitarian Universalist

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Thunderstorms

My writing prompt today was to answer the question "How do you feel during a thunderstorm?" Normally, I would have an easy time writing this, but today my feelings are a bit mixed. The reason for the mixed emotions is fairly simple, there was a tornado that swept through part of New Hampshire yesterday. While this is not a thunderstorm, we were also having the thunder and lightning that tends to go along with tornado.

Warning: Digression in Progress! Okay, now there are a few tornadoes in New Hampshire's history, but not many. Weather is so messed up lately. We did not really have a Spring; we had Winter then Summer, no season in between. It was the same with Autumn last year. It was in the 90's in October, and then the temperature plummeted in November and we had snow for Thanksgiving. I used to like New England because of the season changes, but no there are just two seasons: hot and snow. Bush is finally saying that there is a climate change, I think I am going to faint now. /end digress

Anyways, with the tornado, there was one death and a great deal of property damage. I am saddened by the loss of life, and for those that have lost their homes and are without power. I have some fear of natural disasters, tornadoes being one of them. I also think that many of the weather and planetary shifts happening currently are due to things that man has done, which saddens me all the more.

I am glad that many people are beginning to take steps to improve some of the damage we have done. It is also an interesting thought realizing that the earth itself does not need us to save it. Because, if we all die off, the world will continue without us. What is really needed is for us to preserve our home. This is the one home we have, and if we destroy it, unless we get really creative really quickly, we are not going to get another one. Darn! I digressed again!

Back to weather... I actually really enjoy thunderstorms. I love to watch lightning and find it beautiful and fascinating. Summer storms are exhilarating to me, the thunder rumbling brings on images of ancient gods. I can see why so many cultures relate to thunder and lightning to deities; there is so much power and wonder involved with a cloudburst. I could stare at the sparks of electricity dance across the sky for hours. The fact that it is so changeable is one of the things that draws me to the sky during a storm.

Labels: creative writing, feelings, thunderstorms, tornado

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Cheater!!!

No, I am not calling you a cheater. I am a cheater, and I am even admitting it. See, I could have gotten away with it and not even told you that I was cheating and you never would have known, but I am too darned honest. So, as punishment for trying to cheat before I even had a chance to do it, I am making myself do both of the things I was going to do. Ha! So there, that is what you getting for trying to cheat, me!!

To explain to the person reading this who has no idea what is going on in my head, or to explain to myself when/if I go back to read this and say, "What the hell was I talking about?" I will fill you in. I had two thoughts on what I could do today. I could just write about my trip to the Museum of Science today (in four part harmony), or do another writing exercise.

This sneaky little part of my brain perked up at that particular moment and said, "You know, you can use your number roll and decide if it is something you want to write about first. That way if you roll and it is something you don't like you can just say to yourself that you just wanted to write about the museum trip anyways."

I rolled and found that I liked the topic, and then the ethical part of my mind said, "But wait, isn't that cheating it to do it that way? That is not a fair way to do things; you should be more honest about it to your readers and to yourself." While there was the temptation to throttle that little voice, it was also true. The sneaky part of my brain may have gotten away with not doing the writing exercise if it was something I really didn't want to do, but that is just between you and me, right?

I will start with the trip to the Boston Museum of Science. It may take a moment to gather my thoughts and decide whether I should tell you about actually being in the museum, or the actual trip to and from the museum.

As a nerd, I have an appreciation for museums, especially one dedicated to science. Sadly, I did not have much time to actually explore in the museum. The Museum of Science in Boston is three floors high and separated into three sections. We were given about two and a half an hours to see all of this. I saw maybe one third of the museum, preferring quality of the time there over quantity.

That was my time in the museum. The trip to get there and back was a bit over an hour each way, and my company for the trip was dubious to say the least. At one point there was a person who seemed sure that he knew huge amounts about science and just about everything else also. He spent a fair amount of time talking about the science involved with information from Star Trek books he had. Now mind you, I love Star Trek, but a good deal of the science is much more on the imaginary side of things then real science.

The conversation with him started because I was reading a book in The Vampire Earth series by E. E. Knight. He also enjoyed talking immensely, and did not like to stop talking. For the most part this was tolerable, but when he started talking about Dungeons and Dragons and suggesting that they were responsible for ritual sacrifices that did start to irritate me quite a bit. There also seemed to be no line between pagan and satanist in his mind, so I not even insert any of my own knowledge on the subjects, as it was obvious to me that, in his own mind, he knew everything and would not be dissuaded.

Another one of the people I met was one who just liked to randomly blurt things out at volume that have little or no consequence to the rest of the world. So, more or less he talked to himself. Now, when I am alone, I may talk to myself or my cat or my computer. I do tend to reserve these conversations mostly for when I am alone, though, and they tend to be of a higher caliber then what I was hearing.

I did bring a book with me as I mentioned, but I find it difficult to read when people are talking loudly at or around me. I was having a difficult time concentrating, so I barely got any reading done on the trip and have a headache now.

Writing Exercise: My Epitaph
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I stand at the edge of a precipice, a familiar feeling rising in my depths. This primal fear of heights haunts me. Does no one see me here, hanging on the edge of oblivion? I have but one purpose in life, if I am broken it will all be lost. I would have no reason to go on. Why will no one see me here?

It would only take a careless push, a slip. It is all so senseless. Please, don't leave me here alone! You must see me and help! I can already see it happening, the vision plays over and over. I fall to lie broken and shattered on the ground below. As much as I try to make myself stop seeing it, I cannot push the image away.

When it does happen, it seems to last forever. A hand reaches, but misses in its hold. I slip from fingers reach, tip forward and fall. Falling seems to last a lifetime, then the impact. Shattered. Liquid splatters, like blood. I hear a wail as things begin to fade.

"Jimmy, don't cry over spilled milk," I hear the mother say to her son.

"I am not crying for the milk, mommy. I am crying for the glass."

Ah, my epitaph.

(The exercise was to write something from the point of view of a glass on the edge of a table, I did not want to give the store away by telling you that before I started though. Did the story work?)

Labels: cheat. punishment, creative writing, epitaph, museum

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Haiku

After a hideously long day, I am escaping into haiku in my blog! Muahaha! It is almost like cheating, but not quite. I did write one as i was purely inspired in answering a post on a forum, I will write at least a couple more though...

Cat waking at night
Scratchings of sandpaper tongue,
Oh, elusive sleep.

Nerdfighters unite
Don't forget to be awesome
And decrease world suck!

Music in the air
Resplendently echoes from walls
Words bite like acid.

Lightning strike flashes
Thunder clap shakes through the house
Power flickers, dies.

Okay, that part about the lightning was inspired by a storm outside, I am taking that as a sign that I should get off the computer. Sorry for short posts two days in a row. I will try to be better tomorrow. I have a trip to Boston to go to the Museum of Science, though. Hopefully, I won't be too late.

Labels: haiku, nerdfighters

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

College Admission

Well, went to the college today and filled out my application today. I also took a test to test out of the remedial math class, which I passed (yay me!!), as well as, the same for Writing Fundamentals. That one they need to send to someone to grade it, as a large part of it was writing an essay. It will be scored on composition, comprehension, and grammar, and I will get a pass or fail grade. There was also a brief grammar test that went with it as well. If I was able to take the math test and pass, even though I did not have time to finish it and circled random answers for the last three out of thirty questions, I am pretty confident I scored well enough to pass the writing.

I have had some practice writing recently, which is to my advantage, and my voculary is reasonable. I also had a decent idea about what I was writing about, so that helped. The academic advisor I spoke to seemed impressed that I was ready and willing to take both of the tests right then and there. I might also see if I can CLEP out of the Intro to Internet Technology class. Seeing as I built my own computer, downloaded and use Open Office, and several other programs, and have some skill in making periodicals since I basically taught myself how to do it, I think my IT skills are at or passing basic levels.

So, things I still need to do are go back to Voc Rehab and take their Able Exam and bring back the computer skill form they had for me. I need to send out information to get transcipts from my former schools for the university I am going to. In Mid-August I need to bring in the form with which class or classes I want to enroll in, one class per term is half time, but their terms are short.

Well, the page is coming down for maintenece soon, so I am off for now. Time to pass out from stress ;-)

Labels: math, school, tests, writing

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Another Writing Exercise

Well, I chose another writing exercise, and used the random number generator method again, and am sort of regretting it. This was from a different website. Yea, so it is for elementary school, I just noticed, but it does not mean that some of the ideas are actually not good ones for adults also. I had read through some of them, and they seemed to be some rather mature subjects.

The reason I have regrets is the subject I got was "When are you happiest?" So, you say, what is the big deal about writing about when you are happy? The problem is that I have this habit of disconnecting from my feelings a lot of the time., and I tend to do it more when I am happy then when I am upset it seems. Yes, I know that may sound odd, but that is just the way it is. If you are happy about something, it can be taken away. If you don't show you are happy, then no one knows you care.

I am beginning to notice some things that I like and make me feel some happiness. I have always loved music and music can take me away, can make me laugh or smile or cry. So, music does make me happy, but does music make me my happiest? Likely not. I enjoy my computer games and joking around with people online.

I like the pagan group I am involved with at the church and I like our circles. I enjoy writing, but it is also work much of the time. I like being able to talk about my thoughts and feelings about things that are important to me. I can really get into curling up under a nice warm blanket in the autumn with a good book my cat lying near me purring.

Those are all comforting things that I enjoy, but that is almost like saying I enjoy a good meal or movie. They are really temporary. Maybe it is a delusion I have, but I think happiness especially something that makes me my happiest should be something that is longer lasting. Something more meaningful. I think it goes back to my feeling of not belonging, of always not quite fitting in any group that I want to fit into. I could never fit in with the popular people, and I seemed like I never really fit right in any of the fringe groups either.

I felt like I was not smart enough to fit in with the geeks, and even when I was in cross country, there was no way I could fit in with the jocks. Could not fit with the goths or any crowd I tried to fit in with. I always felt like I was on the outside. I guess that is why I like the gaming community, I feel like I have a place there. I pretty much become an officer in most of the guilds I get into.

So, I have to say that what makes me happiest is a feeling of belonging to a greater whole outside of myself. This was a long way around to get to this point. It is what I like about Nerdfighters, too. It is an online community that is all about acceptance of others in spite of their differences and working to make the world as a better place for everyone. For that matter, it is what I like about the Unitarian Universalist Church.

Labels: acceptance, creative writing, gaming, happiness, nerdfighters, UU

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

On Lolcats

Taking a break from creative writing for a day to talk about a subject that came to me. Yes, as the subject suggests, it is about lolcats. Now, while on one hand, I do find that there is some humor value in some of the pictures and captions on pages like icanhascheezburgher.com what bothers me is the fact that people actually write in "lol" in their comments and so forth. This really bothers me.

Illiteracy in the US is incredibly high. In 2003, it was found that at least one third of the population in the United State did not have enough literacy to be able determine the dosages of medications written on a prescription bottle. Now, we have whole subcultures that are purposely spelling words wrong and dumbing down language.

I enjoy computer gaming. When I play online games, there are some times that I use some common used phrases to shorten that I am typing: afk for away from keyboard, brb for be right back, or lol for laughs out loud. I may even use wb for welcome back. Also, place names in games get shortened in games most times, cause who really wants to spell out something like Eiglophian Mountains, much less remembers the correct spelling of it (so you know, I had to look up the correct spelling to add it here).

I can accept a certain amount of shortening of words in sentences and such, as it is hard to type and do many other things at once. It does bother me that many people will end up typing sentences that begin to look more like this "gz on yr nw swrd itz rly swt cnt wait til im ur lvl" which would translate into written english as "Congratalations on your new sword, it's really sweet, I can't wait until I am your level." I would like to think that I was making up that people actually write like that, but some of them do. I, thankfully, can usually avoid them and hang out with people who type moderately understandable sentences, even with a typo or two. I can even deal with misspellings here and there, even if it is not a typo, not everyone is a vocabulary nerd.

It makes me fear for our future when I see people who cannot or worse choose to ignore their literacy and write in barely coherent sentences. I also see the same behavior in many American made comedies. I do not find them at all humorous, I just find them moronic and banal. We have movies that make icons out of idiots. This makes me question the integrity of this country.

This country needs more people that actually are willing to apply their intelligence and are willing to do what it takes to change things for the better. We need more integrity, wisdom, acceptance, and we need to worry about taking care of our own problems before we worry about what other countries are doing. We can not fight against terrorism. There is not a way to make everything safe. We take care of our environment, our education, our homeless people, our veterans, our domestic violence, our abused children, our prejudices and equal rites for every person in this country, and our fiscal responsibilities. After we do all that, then we spread, not our war, but our kindness and love to others. Then I will be happy.

Labels: english, intelligence, language, lolcats, stupidity, USA

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Saturday, July 19, 2008

Scoffing Sun

After yesterday's experiment with a creative writing exercise, I decided to try that again. This time my prompt was to write about a "Scoffing Sun." Well, here it goes.

Talib left the town quietly during the heat of the noon day sun. The light reflected on his shaven black head, his fine toned body already covered with a thin layer of sweat. He was leaving behind all he knew, but could not stand to follow the ways of the Snake-worshipers any longer. The city slept behind him, silent under the harsh day. His people were wise to the ways of the desert and saved their energies by sleeping through the hottest hours of the day.

"No," he whispered to himself, "no longer my people." They were murderers who would kill for the powers of the magics that they wielded, but would also kill to keep those who were born into lower castes in their place. Only those of noble blood were allowed to rise in society, those who were born to poverty were kept in place with whips and chains and constant threats of death.

Talib himself was of the noble class, he was not running from the fear of death, in fact, he was more likelt running to his death. No, he was running for a freedom from the scoiety that held him trapped. He had no desire to rule over others, to hold the choice to end their lives. In fact, if he had the choice, he would rather heal their wounds and destroy all the images of the Snake-God Set and all the serpents that roamed freely on the streets.

He wished heartily that he could free all of those held in captivity, but most were held in thrall. The last person he had tried to help had actually been thankful whenTalib had found that the man's brother had been fed to a snake, saying it was a blessing would bring fortune to his family.
That was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

Talib looked out over the water that surrounded the city and stifled again the despair of the task he had set for himself. It was better to be dead then have his heart and soul trapped in this awful place. The horses and camels were under constant guard and even if he did manage to get one loose, it would provoke action much sooner then him leaving directly, all he could do was swim. It would give him the most time.

With his meager supplies strapped across his back, he slipped into the water and struck out to the north. The water was refreshing on his dark skin, a nice relief from the full day's heat. His strokes across the water started strong, but as the the pack on his back grew heavier and he started to feel the natural current of bay the trek became more difficult. Still, he continued, though arms began to feel made of lead and legs made of rubber. He changed from a crawl stroke to a side stroke then breast stroke, anything to vary the pain in his arms. Looking to the shore, it still seemed impossibly far away.

"Don't stop, just swim," he said in his mind, now doing a side stroke, "and breathe," he reminded his laboring lungs. He was struck by a temptation to let loose the weight on his back, causing more drag and pulling him down. Without it, when he reached the desert lands on the other side of the bay, the heat would kill him as surely as drowning. "Drowning was a better way to die," the logical part of his mind said and on he swam.

A glance forward told him that his goal was actually getting closer. He might actually make it to the shore. One last agonizing push that took a lifetime, and he was there, panting on the shore. Talib dragged off his pack and laid his head on it until his breathing became somewhat normal. All the while, the scoffing sun blazed down upon him.

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And that is that at least for now ;-)

That story was inspired by my character in Age of Conan which is the MMO I am currently playing.

Labels: Age of Conan, creative writing

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Friday, July 18, 2008

Writing Exercise

Okay, I decided to try something else new today as a challenge to myself. As I said in the sidebar, one of the challenges that I face is trying to be creative in my writing when I am typing rather then writing things out by hand. Now, most of what I have written so far has been fairly analytical. It is my thoughts on things and while there is a creative element to it, the subject remains mostly on the intellectual side of my head and not the creative.

As such, I have this exercise. I bookmarked a few websites in which I could get some writing ideas in case I wanted some inspiration on something to write on. As of yet, I have had plenty of things pop into my head, but I wanted to have contingency plans for when my brain was feeling squishy. Anyways, I went to one of those pages for creative writing prompts and then used a random number generator to roll between the 1 and 302 option that were on the page. I came up with 162, which says to write a poem using the phrases "a culture of solitude," faithful blue sky," and "where we still discover." I am tweaking it slightly and plan to write a story, but I suppose I can write a poem as well, if that would follow the rules better.

Poem first (I find poetry fairly easy for me, I do no believe that poetry has to rhyme, just touch upon our feelings, usually in a concise manner.)

We all stand under the same faithful blue sky,
Many people together but still worlds apart
Torn and shattered by strife and discontent
Eyes shaded from the harsh sun's light
Illuminating a bleak and heartless future
Torn by war, a culture of solitude.

Voices rise from our despair, cries for peace
Gathering in strength and in heart
We call for hope and courage and change
To look forward to a better tomorrow
For ourselves and our children
In a place where we still discover love.

From Islands We Are

I was always separate from others, even surrounded by people. It was like I carried inside myself an island of my very own. This was my land, my refuge, my rock. While this island kept me from being harmed by others, it also kept me alone. I lived my own way, a culture of solitude, locked away from harm.

There was one thing on this island that set me free and gave me company and comfort. That one thing was my books. I would be surrounded my them, and raise them like walls around me. I could not see others through them, nor could they see me. It was a perfect screen to the world. In these books, I found my friends, and I was free. I would fly with dragons, ride on unicorns, travel to through space and through time.

In time though, my wall of books grew higher and blocked out the faithful blue sky. The light to see the cherished pages grew dim, and I began to realize that I was lost in the maze of the books that surrounded me with no friends to help me out. My island had become a prison which I did not know how to escape.

Slowly, I began to make my way through the pages that had been my life, and gathered pieces together. I tentatively reached out to others, and found how hard it was to build up what was never there: a bridge into that other world where people were. Although it was scary, I kept going, reaching out. Many times, my gestures of friendship were slapped aside or ignored outright, but I was ever so slowly making progress.

I learned that their were others like me, who were trapped within themselves. People who were shy but actually did care about others and would not push me away because I was different. So, I gathered with this group of outcasts, those who were not afraid to be themselves even if they were diverse in there backgrounds and tastes and ages. We all shared within ourselves a common dream. We dreamed of a place where we still discover ways to be ourselves and be strong even if society tried to push us all onto our own little islands.

Labels: challenge, creative writing, exercise, loneliness, peace

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

A Day in the Life

No big theme today, just going to talk about my day and a few things random things most likely, cause I always have random things that come up when I write. I tend to "think out loud" in my writing.

Anyways, on with the news! I saw my case manager yesterday and told her how I was pretty discouraged about my visit with Voc Rehab last month, and her suggestion was to basically start small with things. So, I went into my appointment today and he had received information from my therapist, who had given me a recommendation to go to school. Also, the person at Voc Rehab also had the results of some of the testing that I had done as well which suggested that I was interested in things that were creative, like writing (well, I could have told him that last time I saw him), and it happened to fit wonderfully into my plan.

So, I bring out my nice little paper that says Liberal Arts, Associates of Arts, and I say brightly, "Well, yes, I have been interested in writing for a long time, and one of the things that interested my in ministry was the creativity involved in writing sermons." Now, an Associates is a much smaller goal then my eventual goal of a Masters in Divinity, and the guy in Voc Rehab was much happier and able to swallow that idea. So, I have made PROGRESS!!

I came home and called the university I am interested in that has the degree I am interested in, and filled out my FAFSA to see what financial aid is available to me. I filled out some more paperwork for Voc Rehab and I am a few steps closer to being able to take some college classes in the fall. I have an appointment on Tuesday to go to the local branch of the university and talk to administration.

*does his happy dance*

Well, the other thing I wanted to talk about some was a movie I saw last night. Now, the movie itself was, well, it was one that likely takes a querky taste in movies or point of view to appreciate. The movie is called "Hewdwig and the Angry Inch" if anyone is interested in it. It is about a transexual in the music business, and I will leave most of the details out.

The reason I bring it up is because she brought up an interesting idea about love, sexuality, and gender. There is a song in the movie called "The Origin of Love" which describes people as being joined at first. All people used to have four legs and four arms and one head with a face on each side. There were the Children of the Sun who were born with both of the parts being male, and the Children of the Earth who were born all female, and then there were the Children of the Moon who were born half female and half male.

It was like this until God got angry at them and split all of them into halves of the whole they were. From then love was created as people spent time trying to find the other half to make themselves whole again. It did not matter if the other half was male or female, it was what completed them and made them feel like they were a whole being.

Now I see this as the simple form where there is the attraction general attraction between same sex partners or partners of the opposite sex, but I also see something deeper as well. I see that split from a person that was originally a Child of the Moon, and that person may not feel right being one gender or another or that they are the wrong gender completely.

None of this is based on anything factual, I know, but I liked the imagery. I do know that there is factual evidence that shows that many transgendered people are genetically a mix and that some have been born as hermaphodites. I have not been tested to see what my own genetics say about me, I just know where I am comfortable.

Labels: college, gender, happy dance, sexuality, transgender, Voc Rehab

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My beliefs

I saw something on another blog about the Mother God, and religious beliefs and thought I would touch some on what I believe. I like to believe that I am very open and accepting of other people's beliefs, and in that when I formed my own spirituality, I left it open in such a way that it allowed for others beliefs to fit into it.

One of the things I think I should start with is some of my personal definitions of spirituality and religion. I see spirituality is a person's personal connection with a power outside of themselves. I leave the definition of that power very fuzzy on purpose. I define religion as a community that gathers together and hold a similar creed, doctrine, or belief system to connect with that which is divine.

Now, with religion, the people gathering do not all have to share the same belief in the same form of this external form of divinity. In fact, in most cases, I think many people have very different ways in which they see a supreme being or beings. Some may see Jesus, some may see Mary, some may see a trinity, and there are those who may see the Greek or Roman pantheon of deities. If their belief is that all people are equal and that all people deserve to worship their God or Gods in the way that they chose, then that is a religion.

Okay, now to my own beliefs I belong to a Unitarian Universalist Church. There was a time in my life not long ago that I never though I would belong to a church again, but the UU church actually was something that I could accept because it allowed me to keep my beliefs. The basic premise in the UU church is that we are tolerant of other people no matter thier race, gender, age, sexual orientation, and what thier personal beliefs are. they invite people to continue to search for thier own beliefs and grow spiritually without telling you what you *should* believe. It stands for justice and acceptance of others, telling us that we are all connected.

Well, it is all well and good that I belong to a church that is accepting of what I believe in, but what do I actually believe? I use the word pagan to describe myself. I suppose neo-pagan is a more accurate description. The word pagan originally meant "country-dweller." The religious meaning of it being a non-Christian came from the fact that those who lived further from the cities (in rural areas) were more spread out, so it was harder to teach them Christianity and convert them from a polytheistic religion.

Neo-paganism today often have people who practice various forms of wicca (also called witchcraft or wiccacraft). Wicca is not a form of harmful magics, in fact one of its main rules is "And ye harm none, do as ye will." A brief translation meaning, you can do as you want as long as you don't do anything harmful to anyone, this includes things like the imfamous love spells that are so often spoken of, because you are trying to force your will on someone else.

So, as a pagan, I believe in more then one deity. Many pagans will believe in deities from one pantheon (ie Egyptian deities like Bast, Anubis, Horus, Isis, etc) or will chose deities from several, or even from all of them. Many also chose patron deities that they feel more of a connection towards. I have formed a Pantheon that consists of archetypes. Most Pantheons have archetypes that are repeated themes. One of the easiests examples of this would be death; Egyptians have Anubis, Greeks have Thanatos, Celts have the Morrigan.

I take these repeated themes and make that my pantheon. From the dieties that repeat, I believe that there are male and female aspects of each one. Now, I also believe that religion is very personal, my deities have personal names. So, Death has names that I have given to Death. Justice has names that I have given to Justice. Now that does not mean that the name Thanatos or Anubis or Tyr or Odin or Hecate or Jesus is not a valid name for a deity. I just means that is the name I use personally in my mind. I can also do a ritual in a group and use other names, but hold the form of my deity in my mind.

Now to my pantheon, and there is a balance in my pantheon of male and female. Now these male and female are also able to join together into a sort of hermaphrodite form as another balance, and from there all the balance can join together and become One God who is many but one. So, we have something that fits in the many God and the one God theories. Now, as for the no God theory, this one God is everything, s/he is science and nature and life.

Okay, now that I have said something about my beliefs. There is one thing I will say about some of the pagans that I have met that have bothered me. Actually, let me take that back a step. Some people of all religions that bother me, and there is one thing specific to pagans. One thing about all religions that bothers me is fundamentalism. I do understand holding to your beliefs. I understand working for your beliefs. It bothers me when a person does not respect another persons beliefs though, and when a person is so closed that they will not see any other possibility, As soon as a person believes they have all the answers, they stop learning. In case anyone is wondering, yes, I have met fundamentalist pagans.

As to my little gripe with pagans specifically, I believe in the balance between God and Goddess. I think that the balance between them is important. One of the things that I have seen in some cases is that the Goddess is heavily honored and the God is just sort of there. I do understand that for many people part of paganism is taking back power as women, or being in touch with feminine nature, but it should not be at the cost of balance. I have used the reasoning that the existence of a Goddess makes sense on the creation of life and the world, because you need both female and male to create life. Let's not forget that it does take both.

Labels: paganism, religion, Unitarian Universalist, Wicca

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Morals

I touched a little on morals yesterday, and I thought I would say a bit more on them today. I am not really sure where I am going to go with this yet, so I might be all over the place with this, but if you are reading this on a semi-regular basis, you will be getting used to that by now (well, at least in my mind you will, I think I have this habit of digressing a fair amount, maybe I am not as bad as I think).

I think that many people question the morals of youth in this day and age, but I believe that it is a trend that has been happening for at least the past century and likely for much longer then that. The world has changed very rapidly and population has grown with the same velocity. I don't believe that any race was meant to live the way that most humans do on this planet. The metropolis of the big cities; the constant drone of mechanical life around us.

The people cannot help but change with the world around it. Look back in history, less the 150 years ago there were people in America still keeping slaves; 100 years ago we did not think women should have the right to vote. These are moral changes that people have had over the years that I think have had that have been improvements in society. As people begin to believe more that all people should be treated equally regardless are race or gender. We are still working on equality, as the balance is trying to be reached.

People do complain that the balance shifts too much in one way of another and that we give preferential treatment to a minority group because they are a minority, and thus the group that is a majority becomes the object of a type of prejudice as well. If you make a mandate that says you have to hire a certain number of minorities, then you may end up not hiring people better qualified because you have to make that quota. Where is that line drawn?

On a smaller scale with the changes that happen in history, I seem to hear the same themes repeated over and over about children and what they watch or read or listen to for music. From Elvis to the Beatles to the Rolling Stones to Metallica to ACDC to Alice Cooper to Beastie Boys to Snoop Dogg, it is always "the music these kids listen to nowadays!" There is also the escalating violence in movies, television and video games. I am not sure really about how much it has actually escalated in all honesty. I can say that it is more graphic in its intensity, partially cause they have the technology to create better effects now. Psychologically, the violence level has always been there, at least in one degree or another. There is just less imagination that the veiwer has to use themselves now.

As far as sexuality is concerned in society, I think that America is in a very sad state, but maybe not for the reasons other people might think. I do not think that America is sexually depraved and lack sexual morales. What I do think is that we have this false portrayal of what sexuality should be and what sexuality is all about. We also have huge sexual taboos which instead of helping us escape from our falsehoods, they keep us locked in them instead. Since it is all something that you do not speak about in polite company, the issue does not get dealt with in any manner other then to push it back and say that all sexuality is bad.

Now, sexuality is part of a normal reproductive process, and there is nothing bad or dirty about it. It is not something that is really easily denied, cause it is normal, there is no reason we should block it out. But we are taught from an early age that we don't talk about it, while all the while society is showing us these sexual images around us. Women especially are given nearly impossible images that they are supposed to be "beautiful" and aspire to. There is so much pressure and confusion about sexuality, parents and churches telling the youth it is evil or maybe not saying anything at all, their bodies maybe saying something else, and then the images in society definitely saying something about sexuality and what sex "should" be. The Perfect Lie

I really wish we could get not just gays, lesbians and transgender folks out of the closet, but all sex in general. if we stopped hidingit away like a dirty secret, and were just honest about it and didn't have to hide it like it is all something evil and nasty, maybe we can stop having to worry so much about what images we show, because a body is something we all have. If it black or white or off-white, it is still a body. If you have an inny of an outie, hey, it is still a body. Maybe we can actually get past just worrying about sex, and realize it is not about the sex, it is about relationships. That while sex is fun; a sensual, full relationship is much better then a strictly sexual relationship anyday.

Labels: change, minorities, morals, slavery, voting

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Monday, July 14, 2008

Censorship

I keep on coming up with all these serious topics, I take life way too seriously most of the time. This is not always a good thing, because I am sure I miss out on some of the joys that I could have in life by being so serious. I would rather be intelligent, thoughtful and depressed, then happy and vapid though. Maybe, I just say that because I have not had many times in my life that I have really been happy.

I did actually read a story that had the theme of being smart and dispirited or happy and stupid, and I suppose that in some cases I could say that being intellectual could be situational. For example, if the world was ending and you were the cause of it, and you could do something to make yourself lose your faculties enough to not remember causing this ending, yea, I could go for losing my mind at that point.

Of course, that was all a tangent that had nothing to do with my subject that I am getting to now that I am two paragraphs into my writing. My subject is my feelings about censorship. As a writer, I think it is hard for me to not be against censorship. Of course, not all censorship is in writing, but it a place where there has been a great deal of censorship historically. I really feel that people should be free to share their thoughts and ideas with others. That is one of the great things about the internet.

Now, there are going to be plenty of things that are on the internet, written, made into movies, music, or other medias that I do not like or have no interest in. Now, here is where I have the choice to not expose myself to those forms of media. I can change the channel on the television if I disagree with a program, or change a radio station or listen to cds, I can chose not to look at websites that have material I find offensive. I can even chose not to go to a church that does not share to worship in the way I do.

Of course, the question becomes what about our children and protecting them from the things we do not want them exposed to? Well, the answer there is simple in my mind. Parents monitor them and if there is something they do not want there child exposed to they remove the child's access to it and monitor their children. If there is a book your child is going to read at school that you do not want your child to read, let the school know that you do not think it is appropriate for your child. If other parents still think it is okay for their children, that is their choice to make for their children, not your choice to have a book banned from a school because your feelings on it are different then your own.

Another matter of censorship seems to be a link between censorship and hate crimes. Now, I am very against hate crimes myself and would love to see the bill for hate crimes pass. Mostly because of the amount of discrimination that exists against minorities at this point. I find it very strange that people seem to find a link between hate crimes and censorship personally; unless they feel that by the words that they are saying and printing are indeed going to become a crime by the fact that they are words that incite violence against minorities. Since it seems to be certain churches that have the biggest fears in this area, this makes me really wonder about those churches, and makes me very happy to be in a liberal minded church that accepts minorities.

Now, we get to a few finer points. These have to go more with law I suppose, and with protecting people and such. While I do not believe in censoring material that is said or written, there are laws in place about some materials and I think that many of these laws are very important to follow. For example, I am against child pornography where a child is being exploited. I would hope that other people would find the reasons for this obvious. I think sex should happen between consenting adults. They should be adults because they should understand the ramifications of their actions, and what they do and who they chose to do these actions with are up to them, as long as the terms are agreed upon. As a caveat to this, I also believe that sex should not be done with animals, because they are not able to give knowledgeable consent.

There are other laws which protect people's safety and well being, emotionally and physically. I believe that these laws are also laws that should be followed as well, but, as a whole most of these laws are not ones that lead to censorship. On a whole, I think people need to take responsibility for themselves and their children, and stop blaming media or video games or books as the source of moral problems, and accept the responsibility of teaching morality by having good morals themselves and bring their children up in ways that they learn morals as well.

Labels: censorship, children, hate crimes, parents, responsibility

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

Disability Defects

So, I have been on disability for about 17 years now. I manage to get by thanks to various help from other institutions that help with finances and such, but that is not so much the problem I am talking about today. I am talking about the dilemma of getting off from disability after you have been on it for 17 years.

First of all, when you are on disability, you are usually on it because you are at a point where you can not work for one reason or another. Makes sense, right? So, from there you might recover to a point where you start thinking that you might be able to try some kind of work again. Now, depending on your disabilities, an education might help you find a job that is more suited for you. Also, an education can help you get a sense of achievement and make you more marketable in general.

Now we run into our first obstacle, you don't earn enough money on disability to pay for school. So, you go to Vocational Rehabilitation (Voc Rehab), and they help you find something that is suitable for you. Now, the first thing they do is look at your work record, and they say oh, you have not had steady work for 17 years, how can you get a job after you get out of school?

Now, I admit in these 17 years I have been in and out of Voc Rehab a few times. It is rather daunting. I ask to go to school and they set me up with a part time job and then basically ignore me and my request for school after that. Oh, another fact with disability is that you can only make a limited amount of money each month before you lose your disibility and all your support, which includes your insurance which pays for your medications which allow you to work in the first place.

So, when the part time job that I have wants to give me a few more hours that I can't afford to take, what do I do? I become stressed and my symptoms get worse and my ability to works falters. By this time, I have had very little contact with Voc Rehab. When I contact them again they set me up with work that causes a physical injury that I need surgery for. Another year passes before I am able to work again.

Patterns like this repeat for 17 years, work happens, work fails for one reason or another, shame builds, requests for education get ignored. So, here I am in the same place for 17 years, unable to get education to get out of the situation that I am in because of a system that seems that it would rather keep paying me disability for the rest of my life then help me make something with myself.

I have to wonder how many other people are stuck in similar situations to mine. How many people are trying to return to a somewhat normal life and can't get through the beaurecratic red tape to make it happen? I wish I knew a way to make this happen, and I wish I could help others find a way to get unstuck if they wanted to as well.

Labels: Disability, education, Voc Rehab, work

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Saturday, July 12, 2008

Humanity

We live in an age where teen pregnancies are a normal occurrence, violent crimes have increased, and education in America is highly questionable. School systems have programs to teach teens abstinence instead of actually teaching them the dangers and responsibilities of having sex when they are young, as well as safe sex practices. Statistics show that teens that sign these abstinence agreements are more likely to catch STDs and also have teen pregnancies.

My niece was actually in one of these programs, and she had a child when she was seventeen. So, the issue is one that hits close to home for me. There is more to it then just the education system though. There are parents who do not teach their children, or trust the schools to teach them. There is society, in general, which uses sexuality in everyday advertising and promotes sex.

I think that morals have changed over the years. Which is not all a bad thing, and I think it is a natural progression as society progresses. It cannot help but change as science, technology and communication changes. Oh, and we can't forget population growth also. Population growth by itself can be part of the reason for increases in violence. I simply think that we have too many people in the world; not that I want wars or to kill people off or condone violence, but with so many people in such close quarters, I can easily see how they would clash. I don't think humans were meant to live like this.

Back to morals. Morals do shift as times change, and not all of those changes are bad. Like deciding that keeping other people as slaves, or killing people because they have different religious beliefs (oh wait, that is still happening). Deciding that women should have equal rights. These were all decisions that were based on changing morals, and I think were changes for the better.

Some people feel that morals have changed in ways that are in negative ways. Children having sex at young ages and getting pregnant is a good example of this. Now, I do agree that my niece having a child when she was seventeen is pretty lousy for her because it means that she is missing out on many things that she could be doing, like continuing her education, enjoying her youth, or many other things. Instead, she has a child that relies on her care. Things could also be better for her child, as well, I am sure. In the medieval times, a woman having a child at seventeen would not have gotten second looks, but she would already be married also. Again, this is a change of time and morals.

So, I think what I am saying is the actual changes in morals can be somewhat scary, but mostly do not bothers me too much. What does scare me is the education and people getting stupid. There is a movie called Idiocracy about future where the world is basically full of stupid people. The scary thing with it for me is I am not sure how far off base it is. Intelligent people in many cases make choices not to have children, while those that are less then brilliant have several children. Things like this makes me wish that there was population control in the US.

It bothers me that to get a car you need a license, to buy alcohol or cigarettes or even a lottery ticket (yes, I have been carded, when I was 37 no less, to buy lottery tickets), but to have a child all you have to do is insert tab a into slot b and repeat as necessary. Sex is something that can effect the rest of your life.

Labels: education, humanity, morals, teen pregnancy

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Friday, July 11, 2008

Heroes

I was listening to "Christmas in Washington" by Steve Earle recently, and, for those who don't know the song, the tune is not about Christmas or Washington. It is about heroes. Steve Earle mentions many of his heroes. So, naturally, this got me thinking about people that I idolize.

This was not an easy process for me either. I am not sure if it is easy for other people or not. Can most people answer the question "Who are heroes in your life?" without putting some serious thought in it? I wondered for a while if it was lack of education on my part. I do not have as much book learning as I would like. Although I read a great deal, most of what I read is fiction, and thus I can not find real people to be heroes as I do not have the knowledge of real historical figures.

Well, if I do not have the historical knowledge, I should be able to find contemporary people to be my heroes. Even then, it was hard. I started wondering if it was me being egotistical and self centered. I could not see anyone outside of myself as being worthy of being respected that much, but it did not take me long to realize that was not right either. I have a lot of friends that I do envy their intelligence and skills.

I did end up talking to a friend online about her thoughts on heroes. Some of her heroes were family members. She suggested I think smaller. That is when I realized that there are some heroes that have influenced my life.

There may be more, but the ones I can think of right now are John Green, Hank Green (the Vlog Brothers). They are relatively normal people who made something that touched my life and the life of many other people, and created a community where intelligence, creativity and individuality are not only accepted but revered. I can go to their website and remember that I am made of awesome, and remember to smile and have fun in life.

Another hero I know of his Steve Earle as his music has touched my life and made me think more about society and people around me. His songs make me feel, think, and for the first time in my life pay attention to politics which I would much rather ignore. I open my eyes whether I want to or not.

There are other heroes as well. Joe is a hero to me whether he knows it or not. Diane is a heroine, as is Wanda. They know who they are.

Labels: Hank Green, Heroes, John Green, nerdfighters, Steve Earle

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

On Fame and Children

Well, this is my first blog post and my thoughts on the subject are from a post John Green made on the Nerdfighters web site about Ali Lohan, a 14 year old child related to Lindsay Lohan releasing a debut single with rather inane lyrics. His thoughts were how this effects both the child and the music industry. As well as how child authors effect the book industry.

Now, there has been a fair amount of information about child actors that do not do well as adults. I am not as sure about child authors. I am not sure really what can be done about the phenomenom, but I also thinking about what would happen if something was done. Could a ruling be passed to keep child actors out of Hollywood because of the undue pressures that it puts on the children? As it seems to lead to many drug problems and generally unstable adults, it seems that it is a major problem.

Would our society actually take the step to protect these children even if the children think it is what they want? Where is the line drawn? Not to mention the fact that Hollywood would suddenly have to try and make movies that don't have children in them, or just complete replace them with CGI. It is some rather interesting speculation.

I know for myself that I would like to see the children protected more, because I find it very sad to see how fame exploits them. There are many adults that have a hard time dealing with the pressures of being famous, the pressures have to be much greater on a child that is trying to develop into a healthy adult.

As for reasonings outside of the children's health and well being, there is also the fact that as far as music and books are concerned, in many cases, the industry is flooded with not just mediocrity, but products that are just plain bad. The music industry continues to pursue the next pretty face and does not care about the quality of the lyrics much less the ability to sing. Book publishers have books that are trite and inconsistent.

Well, speaking on inconsistent, I have pretty much rambled my way through this post as my thoughts came up. I ate least stayed on the general subject. Hopefully, I will be able to keep up with posting on at least a semi-regular basis. I must write more...

Labels: childhood fame, Hollywood, nerdfighters

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Image by: Rae Grimm